Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
