You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
