We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
