At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
