My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
