it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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