College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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