you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
