Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
