I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
