how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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