Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
