I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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