I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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