I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
