Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
