so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
