dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Two words: nipple clamps
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