so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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