it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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