girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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