it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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