I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
