Swine flu is the new snow day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
