I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I fill condoms, not promises.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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