last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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