So drunk its hurt
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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