i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
