After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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