Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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