People with herpes should wear stickers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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