Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
