Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i think im in europe. pls send help
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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