Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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