Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
