We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
