just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
