My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was like eating out sand paper
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
