Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
