Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
