I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
