please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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