If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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