I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
