And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
