i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
