Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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