so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
