I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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