I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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