Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
