Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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