it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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