Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
