We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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