I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
