Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
