she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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