Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
