I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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