the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
