You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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