I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize