someone threw a dead crab at me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
