Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
