if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize