Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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