You can't special order awesome
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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