PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
