yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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