when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
